A man says to his neighbor, "I have an extraordinary dog. He brings me the newspaper every morning." The neighbor responds by saying, "That’s nothing special. Lots of dogs do that." The man says, "Sure, but I don’t have a subscription."

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi...

As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, "Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?" "There's a big fire across the street", the doctor replied. "We didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and...

An American-Indian walks into a saloon with a shotgun in one hand and a 10-litre bucket of manure in the other. The Indian says to the bartender: "Me want Lager!" The bartender says: "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He then serves the Indian a tall glass of Lager. The Indian drinks it...

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It...

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "'Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name...

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After 25 years of marriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said: "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice...

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?” His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as...

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the...

A man comes home from working at a pickle factory and he seems troubled. His wife asks him what's wrong and the man says, "Oh, nothing. I just... well... recently I've had an uncontrollable urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer." His wife nearly faints, then she blurts out: "Why? You need...

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine...

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You...

It was very crowded and noisy in this Restaurant and this blond girl asks the waiter where the restroom was. He says: "I can't hear you!" So she gets close to his ear and asks again: "Can you please tell me where the ladies room is?" And he replies: "On the other side!" So she turns around...

This is why Men shouldn’t answer questions. WIFE : “What would U do if I died? Would U get married again?” HUSB : “Definitely not!” WIFE : “Why not? Don’t U like being married?” HUSB : “Of course I do.” WIFE : “Then why wouldn’t U remarry?” HUSB : “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.” WIFE : “U...

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the...

Two guys were out walking home from work one afternoon. "Man," the first guy said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's panties off!" "What's the rush?" his buddy asked. "The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"

An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"